Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
