im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sarcasm needs its own font
porn star boner night. come get it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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