I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
