im drinking this country out of the recession.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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