She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
