Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
