I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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