theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
