dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
