..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
