So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
