Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
