I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I forget how to act sober
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