I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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