i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
