you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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