Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
