i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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