Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
