youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
