I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
