Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
