my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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