True but thats because hes a fetus.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
