you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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