the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
