is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
