Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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