I am in a vortex of obligation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And then my night got REAL pukey
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
