who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
