the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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