thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
