I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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