I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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