Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
