My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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