How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
