my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize