so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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