I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
