I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
