Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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