I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
