you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
