Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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