So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize