people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
