We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
