my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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