just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
