The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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