I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize