she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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