The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
