Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
