My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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