I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
