So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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