I am puke
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
