May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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