is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
