she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
