forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
