We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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