I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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