im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
