if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
