So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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