i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
