Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
