im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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