apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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