pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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