Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
