i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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